Sep 11, 2014
Ever since the engagement, many people have asked me questions about my relationship and the most prevalent one is “how long did you guys date?” The truth is we never did. He never asked me to be his girlfriend. He never asked me out on a solo date. We never even kissed. For as long as I’ve known him we were just friends… Friends that valued each other, prayed for one another, and wanted to see each other succeed in every area of life.
Now within this friendship, I admit, there were times when I looked at him like “Dang, he’s cute” or “I really admire this about him” or “I would love for my mate to have some of his qualities” but honestly there were A LOT of guys that I would say the very same thing about! Soon enough, I learned how to categorize the guys in my life by placing them in the following categories below:
Wolves in sheep’s clothing – The guys that are in church and attend many functions but don’t take God seriously. Their true intentions are to prey upon your issues of insecurity and loneliness and lead you into their bedroom. I came across a few of these but God kept me from falling into their traps! The best thing to do is to pray for these guys. Pray that their hearts will change to care about their sisters in Christ, but be sure to STAY AWAY!
Servants – The guys who are super nice to you but are only nice because they genuinely love God. **Disclaimer** Sometimes you think this guy likes you but in reality he doesn’t. Be sure to value him by understanding that he desires to develop in God and can do so without your immediate help. One thing I learned: Just because you’re in ministry together doesn’t mean it will lead to matrimony.
Bros-in-Christ – This category is exclusively for the guys who PROVE that they have NO ill intentions or motives with you. They want to see you grow and they’re willing to do what they have to do to help – whether he has to correct you, distance himself from you or pray and fast for you. It is safe to hang out with these in group settings, church events, or other godly occasions as the Lord sees fit.
Spouse – The person that God reveals to you that you are to marry for the glory of God. **Disclaimer** A LOT of counterfeits will come attempting to play this role but if you’re patient, diligent about seeking God’s face in prayer and are willing to let God lead, He will shut every false way and reveal to you truth! Even if you think you’re sure that he is God’s best for you… Let Him pursue you! Yeah you may get tempted to pour out your heart to him and tell him all that the Lord had been showing you but HOLD YOUR PEACE. Let God bring things into order because His ways are best!
Marriage is covenant that God takes very seriously. If you believe that God loves you and His plans for you are for good and not for evil, isn’t it evident that He also wants to give His input and guidance on whom you should marry? Save yourself the unnecessary drama and let His Spirit lead you with discernment.
Patrick clearly told me “The affections that God placed in my heart for you are so great that I want you to be my wife.” He didn’t want to “test me” to see if I would make him happy. As friends, he fell in love with my character. He knew what God wanted him to do concerning me and was patient with me even when I rejected him like crazy because I was not sure about if God approved of us being together. I prayed ridiculously, seeking the Lord for His guidance (Proverbs 3:5-6) and He confirmed numerous times that he wanted me to move forward with Patrick.
During our pre-engagement season, we were preparing for engagement (for me – mentally, for him – he had to purchase my ring) and encouraged each other to focus on Jesus like crazy. This season was filled with fasting and consecration, where we would separate from talking to each other for days or weeks just to get a better glimpse of Jesus. We set up additional boundaries to keep us safe and let The Spirit of God lead us. We always consulted our accountabilibuddies (this is a made up word lol… but it’s basically spiritual leaders along with our brothers and sisters in Christ that help to keep us accountable in our relationship). Now that we’re engaged, I am honored to be in preparation to marry such a man that cherishes my soul and values my relationship with God! We’re waiting to share our first kiss on the altar the day of our wedding… Oh what a glorious day that will be!
Please keep in mind: God wrote and is still writing our love story. It doesn’t mean that yours will be exactly like it, but I sure hope that in all you do, you do it so that God can be glorified. Be not conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewal of your mind (Romans 12:2).
Glory to God for all He has done!
-Barbara HisVirtuous BeeJae
P.S. Jesus Christ is Coming Back. Prepare your heart.